I work in a cubical. I can hear everything the people I work with are doing. I can tune pretty much everybody out, except Michael... If you've seen Jurassic Park then you probably remember who "Dennis" is. He's the fat annoying guy with glasses who fucks everything up. Yeah, douche bag. That's Michael, only he isn't as smart and doesn't have any jokes. Normally if someone really bothers me I can just make fun of them and keep on with my day, but he bothers me so much that I don't even want to make fun of him. Working with him is like being forced to watch Teletubbies. At first you would be entertained because it's so overly flamboyant and stupid, so you laugh a lot. Then it starts to make you a little uncomfortable, but you still laugh a bit. After a while it becomes legitimately creepy and you don't laugh at it anymore because you just want it to go away. At this point you're willing to murder.
1. He is a total melty.
2. He tries to act black any time he is approached by another dude. I think it's his defense mechanism.
3. The cliche suicide, "Goodbye cruel world", line is starting to make my ears bleed. Actually, hearing his voice PERIOD is beginning to make my ears bleed.
4. He rats everyone out to customers AND our boss.
5. He doesn't work, just looks at WOW sites all day.
6. He's been working here for over a year and still needs help doing his job.
7. He does this really weird thing when you accidentally bump into him in the hall. He jumps back a little, stares at you awkwardly, and then says, "Oops! Ehskewz mee."
8. I know he has sex with me with his eyes.
9. He blows his nose way too loud.
10. He takes all of my faxes.
11. When he collects and divides out the mail he tries to see what's inside each envelope so that he can get all the good stuff and give us the coupons and advertisements. He thinks I don't know that.
12. I brought in cupcakes today and he ate four of them.
Yes, it has crossed my mind that maybe I am being an asshole. But I don't care. I really don't care.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
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