search for companionship in those that are broken or emotionally handicapped. attraction to selfish men. they are attracted to me. i have lived my life with one, i have been in love with some, and i have constantly torn myself apart over all of them:
i do not know what you see.
i see no radiance, i feel no life.
Step 1:
i was just a little kid. i didn't understand why you hated me so much. why everything i did was a mistake, and good for nothing. i tried so hard for you everyday. i wanted to be your little girl. i have never known you aside from a firm hand and a cold glare. when you are gone, i will look at your face and think to myself, "This old man is a stranger to me."
Step 2:
i put aside my life for you. i took you in. i gave you everything. i let you tear my dearest adorations away from me and bombard my sanctuary. you knew me, but you didn't. you hurt me, but you avoided it. i sang for you, but you mocked me. i hold the deepest resentment for you.
Step 3:
i have been your closest friend, i have loved you, and i have hated you. you are a conqueror. you are arrogant. you are careless. you wake up knowing this everyday, but still you do not change. i am not a possession, i am a gem. and i am sorry you never saw that. your eyes will never stop roaming.
i'm spent, goodnight.
3/4/09-
lol
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